Saturday, July 25, 2015

Am I A Cult Follower?

In the new season of BoJack Horseman, there are a couple of themes visited that really cut to the core of me. First there was Bill Cosby, which makes me sad on so many levels (and not in a support of Bill Cosby way.) And then improv comedy. Oh boy.

They joke that improv is a cult and make it VERY clear that it is not a metaphor for anything else; they are saying improv is basically a cult. It’s funny… because it’s true. I mean that in the best way possible. From my personal experience, I basically bow down to the improv greats (TJ Jagadowski, Mick Napier, Susan Messing, Drew Carey, etc.) and every time I went to Chicago, I felt like I was going on a pilgrimage to mecca. Well, a pilgrimage that involved a lot of alcohol, drugs (done by other people because COMEDY IS MY DRUG!) and pretending to be a lesbian with my friend Julia on the dance floor of Howl at the Moon.

I have a semi-unhealthy obsession with comedy. My obsession with comedy started with religiously watching All That, Mad TV and Saturday Night Live every Saturday as a kid. I read every book (and discuss it at length with ANYONE who will listen… just ask my not-so-enthused co-workers) and I let it take over my life so much that I quit my full-time job to pursue it full time a few years ago... and heavily go into debt. I’m basically a cult follower of the improv philosophy. Oddly enough, my (current) day job is at a company that has incorporated the “yes, and” philosophy into its culture… so I literally can’t get away if I tried.

Outside of comedy, I also tend to have religion-level fascinations with whatever I am into at any certain point in time. When I was into the Backstreet Boys, I was into the Backstreet Boys. And just last week, I was really into these all-natural fig bars for breakfast every morning. (I don't think that one actually counts, but you get the point.) I have a tendency of overwhelming myself with things I’m fixated by/interested in and I think it would get me into some trouble if I stumbled into an interesting conversation with a Scientologist. I don’t think I would trust myself. 

So maybe I am a cult follower… but I don’t think I want to test it to figure it out for sure.

Also, I feel like I really need to note that Drew Carey was a joke. I know “if you have to explain a joke it’s not funny” but, I really feel the need to explain that joke.    

Monday, July 20, 2015

Plan B Weekend

this is a picture of iced tea. 

Good intentions were at the very beginning of this past weekend.

Beau and I both just got paid so we were ready to go out after being broke for what felt like years. Instead, we decided to order in and watch the brand new season of BoJack Horseman. To kick off the night, we drank weed. Yeah, we drank it. Have I mentioned we haven't been drinking alcohol? Well, we haven't been drinking alcohol. We live in California so we might as well weed (is that what people say?)

Anyways, I passed out before episode two.

On Saturday, I got an early start on the day... which happens when you pass out around 9pm from too much weeding. I made a pot of coffee, drank said pot of coffee and went to Target to "pick up a few things." My goal this weekend was to not spend too much money since I have friends visiting in two weeks.

That goal was immediately blown when I left Target with a giant mirror, a leopard print dress, razors and absolutely nothing that I went there for. Oh well. At least I now have a full-length mirror in my bedroom to further examine all of my flaws.

I picked Beau up from work and we had every intention of going out for dinner and seeing a movie in Los Feliz. It was pouring out so naturally traffic from my apartment in West Hollywood to Los Feliz was backed up for 45 minutes. We drove by the Los Feliz theater to see a huge line wrapped around the block. Since it was pouring rain and I wasn't hungry enough for dinner,  we drove back to Hollywood to see what the ArcLight had to offer.

It only had single seats to offer for the 5pm showing of Trainwreck and nothing together. We decided to go home, get out of the rain, order in and rent a movie.

Renting a movie turned into finishing BoJack Horseman, starting the final season of Gilmore Girls and falling asleep around 11:30pm.

I woke up this morning and thought, "Today is the day!" And it was the day... for a serious stomach ache. I ached and I ached and I cleaned the house and I ached some more but I didn't want to give up on having a weekend outside of the apartment. Beau needed new shoes for work so we hit up the Beverly Center and somehow wound up a half hour earlier than every person who worked there. We walked around like two senior citizens trying to get a work out in and eventually realized the store wasn't there anymore.

After that bust, we thought we'd give Los Feliz another shot.  However, the box office wasn't open yet for the 1:10 matinee so we decided to eat, despite my not feeling well.

After eating, we showed up the box office and it still wasn't open BUT we were the first people in line! Right after we showed up, people started forming a line behind us. "We're winning this weekend!" I thought. Then Beau said, "We probably don't have to wait in line for another half hour, we could probably walk around and come back." I agreed.

We walked down the street to one cute little store and found a $34 candle before I realized I don't need a fucking $34 candle and also that a candle is what I meant to buy at Target the day before! So we walked back to the theater no less than five minutes after leaving and THE LINE WAS WRAPPED AROUND THE BLOCK.

Sure, other movies were playing, but were all those adults with no children there to see Minions or Amy? No! Seemingly everyone in East Los Angeles wanted to see what we wanted to see.

We waited outside for minutes upon minutes on one of the ONLY 90 degree humid days I've ever experienced in California before realizing I wasn't feeling well at all. I was sweating and couldn't breathe and I had to go home. We abandoned the line and went home where I stayed in bed all day watching old episodes of Great Hotels on YouTube with a hot water bottle on my back.

Here's to next weekend. Hopefully I'll have what I needed at Target by then.

Thursday, July 16, 2015


This past month (aside from the 4th of July), I have participated in something called Dry July. At first, I just thought July would be a good month for me to stop drinking because there wasn’t much going on and it’d be a relatively easy month to not drink, as opposed to August when I have several guests in town and September when I have a couple of weddings. But apparently, Dry July is a thing. So look at me… being either unoriginal or just as inventive as everyone else!

One of the reasons for doing this is because I realized that I drink basically every day. Whether it’s one drink with dinner, or several drinks on a Friday night, drinking was a big part of my daily life. It’s not a problem, per se, but it’s definitely a habit that I don’t particularly love being a habit.

Last night, I decided to have two glasses of wine while at a bar watching one of Beau’s friends play music. Partly because I have a social anxiety disorder but also because I REALLY WANTED A GLASS OF COLD WHITE WINE, OKAY?

I enjoyed my two glasses of wine. I really, truly did. But you better fucking believe I felt like a piece of shit afterwards. I beat myself up ALL night long. I couldn’t fall asleep because I felt so bad for giving up so easy in one goddamn moment of anxiety-induced weakness.

When I woke up this morning, my body kept the beat down going with a HUGE headache. It was only two glasses of wine! I’ve drank a bottle of wine and not had a headache before! (Sad.) All I know is that I hated that feeling. I hated the guilt and I hated the headache and I also felt pretty fatigued all day as well. So… I guess alcohol really does have a pretty big effect on our bodies. How upsetting is that?

Today, and the rest of the month, I’m going to continue in my non-alcoholic journey (at least through July.) I think afterwards I’ll still cut back because I have not been craving, needing or wanting alcohol with dinner or during any occasion where I’m not celebrating something… or feeling socially anxious.

That being said, I did eat a pretty large amount of gummy sharks today so I don’t know if I’m learning any health-related lesson at all.

Friday, July 3, 2015

If I Could Do Anything Else

An interesting question was posed to a partner at my work the other day and in return, it got an interesting response. Someone asked, "If you could be doing anything outside of advertising, what would it be?" 

It got me thinking... of course, I don't consider myself in advertising. These days, I consider myself a lost floater. I don't know what I want to do or be, but I keep finding myself following two paths: advertising and comedy. Those are pretty good paths, I think. They're creative environments run by cool, young people with tremendous egos and big ideas. I think those are environments that I thrive in best. 

However... what would I do if I weren't doing this? 

Journalism, maybe. A few months into my first full-time job at a marketing agency, I applied for an internship at a Boston-based magazine. I interviewed and it went really great - so I got the job! It would have been unpaid and would only have lasted a few months. There was no guarantee of landing a job there. So, I decided to turn it down. 

Sometimes I wonder if my career would have been different. Maybe I would have got a full-time job there. Maybe I'd end up an editor of some sort and then leave, move to New York City and get a bigger job at a bigger magazine. Maybe I'd be living there right now, happy as a clam and doing comedy on the side. 

I still sort of want to write for a magazine. Maybe that's still in the cards for me. 

Otherwise, I have no clue what I'd be doing. I never thought much about anything except writing. That's the only real, solid vision that I ever had for myself. I don't even do that for a living right now - but it's a part of everything that I do. 

Sometimes I wonder if I do better in a corporate environment with set hours and schedules. I do like the structure, but I hate the feeling of being contained. I hate the idea that I have to be somewhere until 5pm (or longer) every day. Even when I have nothing to do - or I'm tapped out - I have to sit there and pretend or create busy work. All of that makes me feel dead inside. 

But then I think back to days when I worked and performed at night. I did nothing with my days. I'd wake up around noon, go for a walk, watch things, and basically just sit patiently until I had to be at the theater. There were a few productive days... but they usually involved a production process where I had to be productive and write sketches. 

So, you see, I'm at a loss. I don't what I'd be doing if I wasn't doing what I'm doing. I also don't really know what I'm doing right now. What a fun way to be!

Tomorrow, I think I'm going to start writing erotic novels for creepy people. I think there's something there. 

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Star Wars. I watched it.

I've never watched Star Wars until this weekend.

I just... I don't know. It wasn't something I watched as a kid. In fact, I've watched Spaceballs over and over and over, but never the actual movie it was parodying. Mel Brooks was my childhood jam than classic Sci-Fi movies.

Here are my thoughts: 

The movie reminds me a lot of Harry Potter. Maybe it's just the good vs. evil thing and the fact that it's two guys and a girl (and a Wookie) (and droids) on an adventure for freedom - but there were a lot of similar themes. Just an observation.

I like R2D2. He's my favorite character.

The moment where Darth Vader tells Luke that he's his father was pretty anticlimactic considering it's one of the biggest lines of all time. Maybe it was the way he said it... with less conviction and emotion than I thought. He just casually dropped the line as if he was saying, "My cape is black."

On another note, I always liked that Darth Vader guy and knew he'd be good in the end. That was not something I even knew about the moving going into it.

I hate the special effects that were added in the 90's/2000's. Awful.

I like Muppets. Man... Jim Henson -- what a career! What a weird guy! The Muppets in this reminded me of the Muppets from Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal and the first season of SNL... which is about right considering the time, but it's so funny to me that he created all those weird fucking puppets and then taught kids how to count every morning.

Chewbaca is really vocal about his emotions and all of his emotions sound exactly the same... but FUCK if he's not just adorable.

I know Ewoks aren't popular... BUT I LOVED THEM. SORRY NOT SORRY!!!

I have followed Carrie Fischer's career for a while. I've read all of her books and seen her perform her one-woman show live and I just adore her... so it's weird to see her in Star Wars as the "hot woman." I mean, she was great and gorgeous but it's so different than the Carrie Fischer that I know and love. Which is funny, because THAT'S the version most people know and love and fantasize about and gross.

Yoda was so much better than I thought. Before seeing this, I thought of him as this wise, ancient asshole... which he was! But he was funny, too! It's OK if you're an asshole as long as you have a sense of humor.

I could watch Muppets move all day long. Yoda jumping around and eating Luke's shit? So funny. You should also watch Kermit riding a bike in Muppets Take Manhattan. Hilarious. I digress.

Harrison Ford was handsome.


Monday, June 22, 2015


Right now, it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I am at home, in my bed, resting and trying not to choke to death during a coughing fit. I'm so bad at resting, I always have been. Even when I stayed home from school as a child, it would take less then 10 minutes of rest before I was up playing Barbies.

I'm on day 2 of being sick and so far, I am the same person now that I was when I was 7. I fucking hate resting. Yesterday, I spent all afternoon in my bedroom going between the movie Midnight in Paris, Marie Claire magazine and Judd Apatow's new book. Literally, every 5-10 minutes I would switch to another thing because resting was that boring.

Today, I tried to go to work... I really did. But I couldn't handle being around people with that much phlegm in my face. I was coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose, getting up for water every 10 minutes and then peeing every other trip. God dammit, I hate it.

So now I'm back at home... checking e-mails, reading a book, watching TV, scrolling through Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and for some reason, I also keep washing my face. I never realized how good it feels to wash your face when you're sick. Maybe that's not even a thing - but it is for me right now!

I have drank three entire Brita pitchers full of water today. And that's not even enough. I need more water. I need a faucet running down my throat at all times because my throat is on fucking fire. I feel completely helpless against my immune system. Rest helps, BUT I HATE RESTING.

This Judd Apatow book is really good because he's such a comedy nerd. Some of the interviews are with comedians before he was anybody at all - he was just a kid with a high school radio show. It's interesting to see pre-Judd Apatow Judd Apatow interview someone like Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno and post-Judd Apatow Judd Apatow interview famous comedians that he is now friends with.

I wish I could spend more than 5 minutes at a time reading it.

I am home alone and I wish Beau was home to take care of me... I also wish that I was the type of person who would let someone take care of her. I wish I could boss someone around and make them bring me tea and a ham sandwich, but alas, I am not. I am also too lazy to get those things myself so it looks like I'm going without tea and ham tonight.

Fuck summer colds.

Monday, June 1, 2015


I'm going to Boston ON WEDNESDAY. I'm so excited to eat Kelly's Roast Beef at midnight and visit my friends in NH and eat delicious French food with my sister and celebrate my friend Eric's wedding and hang out with all of my friends and have an all around great time. Can't wait.

I got a sunburn today on my chest and my nose. It's real bad.

I recently got my hair done at a new salon in Burbank. It's retro 60's themed. I got blonde highlights. It was a great experience.

I went to Palm Springs a couple of weeks ago for my birthday... I LOVE PALM SPRINGS. It's a city built in my dreams. It still feels like it lives in the 60's, it's surrounded by gorgeous mountains, it's a straight shot two hour drive from L.A. I can't wait to go back!

My day job offered me a writing project and it has taken all of my time the past couple of weeks and it's been pretty fucking time consuming and awesome. I've felt oddly alive again. Like back in the writer's room/production process/nerdy shit. I'm happy.

I also just organized the intern program and hired 42 interns for my agency. It kicked off today and was a giant success (as of the first day) and I'm SO happy. I've got to be honest, it feels really fucking great to see a project through to the finish line. And frankly, everyone we hired is really great. This is going to be a super fun summer with my two full time jobs.

I think I'm adopting another cat next week. She was found on the street, she's a baby kitten and she's a survivor. I want to name her Reba. Ruthie and Reba!

Lately I've been oddly happy in my career. It's weird and all over the place and I like it. I don't even know how to define my career... but whatever it is, it's great.

Parks and Recreation is the best TV show ever. I never get sick of it. I watch it every night before I go to bed.

I made gummy bears soaked in Malibu rum last week and I thought it'd be gross and mostly just a joke... but they turned out surprisingly amazing and WAY better than vodka gummy bears because Malibu has a flavor. They tasted like tiny little pina colada bites. So good. Try it.

I turned 29 two weeks ago. I have one year left until I'm 30. I'm not scared of turning 30... but I feel like I have to do something big this year. Eh. Whatever.

In other news, I'm feeling more and more like an adult lately. I went to a friend's house in Venice to see her brand new baby (her second) and I had this moment of, "Oh man, this is what adults do." It only took 10 years to realize that I'm an adult.

My friend Doug made me a Miss Piggy cake for my birthday. It was covered in bacon. It was AMAZING.

Thanks for listening, Rob. (My only blog reader.)


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